Tough or Vulnerable?
that CMO (someone more senior than me. wait, everyone that's not an intern is more senior than me. Dorrhh!!) came back from his holidays. And upon seeing him at ED yesterday, i prepared myself mentally to be abused again.Act One was played out expectedly, nothing new. I can't even remember if I was in that act. Except during the intermission, some other intern, remarked how rude he was. I was a bit surprised that he'd not seen or been in similar acts before.
I knew i'd be in Act Two. 1.5hrs before the end of my shift, i had to see an elderly gentleman, a vague historian (patient that tells us his history) with what i'd call "atypical chest pain", plus a slightly rapid AF (fast irregular heartbeat), which meant I had to consult this CMO and hand the patient over to him before I leave (cos 1.5hrs is not enough to work-up a patient and send them home). So as soon as i picked up this patient, i knew I'd star in Act Two, or Three or Four if other "lucky" interns were picked to play a few acts with him before me.
Half way into my act, things were going as usual. His face was turning into a red inflating balloon and his abusive voice was getting so comical that i thought he really should be dubbing characters in cartoons. And as usual, I was mentally telling myself that this is the way some people are. Let him over-act, some audiences don't like that. (i'll just learn how to be a better doctor from this experience). I was doing pretty well, emtionally stable and trying a bit to fight my case, as usual.
But out of no where, a 3rd character (an RMO) came on stage and said to the CMO, "Take it easy, David!!". The CMO turned and said something that quickly dismissed that line. I smiled to this RMO and tried to mouth something along the lines of "that's the way he is". But 2 seconds later, I started losing it. I forgot the rest of my role. I started seeing myself in the eyes of this RMO and the audience below. I felt sorry for myself. His man IS rude! 5 seconds later, i was fighting back my tears, while still knodding to what he was saying. Thankfully, I am a better actor than that. 15 seconds later, I was back in my role. And I bet no one in the audience detected anything.
After the play, back in my dressing-room, i was still a tiny bit shaken. But today, I'm back to normal and ready to step onto the stage again.
posted by zhinger @ 2:24 pm
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