reflections after a week of nights
i drove like mad (as i always do) to church today, after my 7th night shift in a roll, glad that it was all over and my life can return to a bit more normality.again, i learnt a few things after this lot of nights. but it was somewhat different this time. i think i learnt more about myself and how to be a slightly better doctor.
Night 1 was hectic but i wasn't surprised.
Night 2,3, 4 and 5 were great! i didn't have to review any sick patients although admissions to the ward was still a nuisance. During those nights, i discovered that i could actually be a better doctor. I had the time to give a smile, a squeeze on the shoulder or a few comforting words to the patients i saw. I enjoyed it and i think they appreciated too. I was more tolerant of untimely requests and trivial pages from nurses. I felt sympathetic for the shift work they have to do after going thru only a week of it myself.
But came Night 6 and 7, and hell was unleashed. Patients were dropping their blood pressure or saturation, left, right and centre. a HIV&HepB&C patient that dripped blood all over the corridor wanted to go for a smoke at 3am. a chronically insomniac wanted to go home because she couldn't sleep. nursing staff disagreed regarding which protocol to use.
i approached a woman with good veins with a blue cannular (one of the smallest used) and she asked me for a yellow one (paediatric size) instead so there's be less pain. [The pain would probably be 3/10 instead of 4/10.] I told her there was none on the ward and i could get a blue one in without trouble and causing her too much pain, but she insisted. and i nearly lost it. There were much sicker patients i needed to see and more than a hundred other patients i was responsible for who would require my attention at any time, and she wanted me to search the hospital for a paediatric cannular?!?! I only went to put the cannular in cos it was on my way and i wanted to get it out of the way quickly before i see the other sicker ones. Ok, she didn't know all that but why insist when i looked busy and told her it's a difficult request!?!
I realised that I could only show compassion and be tolerant when there's time allowed. But that's no excuse. A good doctor is one that can remain patient and understanding at the toughest of times. I need to love each and everyone of my patients (including the demanding ones), cos God loved them and He wants to use me and others to show love on His behalf at their time of distress.
These past 1-2 weeks, I've been going over in my mind repeatedly: patience, kindness, gentleness, love ... there's lots of room for improvement. i want to be more Christ-like. it's a constant struggle. i can't do it all on my own. need the help of the Spirit and lots of prayer.
i think i can see why i've been placed in this job now.
posted by zhinger @ 8:25 pm
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